A Four-Part Model of Emotional Intelligence
The following model by emotional intelligence pioneer, Daniel Goleman, breaks down the four flavors of emotional intelligence. All are important, but many individuals tend to thrive in some aspects of EI more than others.
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1. Self Awareness
Self-aware individuals are in tune with their emotions, behavior, values, and motivations. This isn’t to say that they don’t have blind spots. They’re human, like the rest of us. But people with high self-awareness tend to understand how their behavior (both positive and negative!) impacts others. Self-aware individuals care about how they show up in relationships. They will seek to repair harm, or reach a respectful impasse, if they sense they have wronged someone or something feels off. Like people with high self-management skills, they tend to have high leadership potential because they are self-motivated and value personal development.
2. Social Awareness
Socially aware individuals are sensitive to the emotions, behavior, and motivations of others. They are often great communicators and will pick up on subtleties like nonverbal facial or body language cues. Mood changes, too. These individuals may also be great perspective-takers, teammates, and leaders because they understand group dynamics and give credit where it’s due.
3. Self Management
People with strong self-management skills are generally able to check their emotions or urges when they feel themselves getting triggered. And if they do sense a disruption to their steady emotional state, they know when to press pause and take a break. They likely have a solid list of coping skills at their disposal. Strong self-managers can adapt to change gracefully and are not paralyzed by setbacks or challenges they may encounter.
4. Relationship Management
People with strong relationship management skills are great with other people regardless of their communication style or leadership level. Relationship builders express ideas clearly, seek clarity when they do not understand, and make an effort to consider other points of view. They find a point of connection and help others feel heard, valued, and at ease.
Two Quick Ways to Level Up: Greetings and Turn Taking
Simply greeting the teachers, classmates, neighbors, or colleagues you interact with on a regular basis is a surefire way to boost your social awareness and relationship management emotional intelligence areas. Waving, smiling, or saying, “Good morning!” will do as a start.
When we greet other people, we’re acknowledging their presence and building a bridge for future collaboration. When you walk into the office without your first cup of joe, you might not want to greet other people, but this simple action is the first step to creating a supportive and productive environment.
Learning how to take turns in conversations, games, or collaborative work sessions is another easy hack that improves all four areas of emotional intelligence. Toddlers practice these skills when they learn to use words like, “It’s my turn now,” to advocate for themselves instead of using negative actions like hitting a classmate. Imagine if Steve, our Marketing friend, had respected the agenda for the planning meeting. The meeting would have stayed on track, and other stakeholders would have been included in a timely manner. Steve would also have known when it was or wasn’t his turn to speak! Having emotional intelligence is respecting other people by recognizing that our words and behavior have impact. Taking turns shows that respect.
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