Happiness - how to have it

 

• Happy people put effort into building solid relationships and they enjoy spending time with loved ones
• Happy people do not deal with difficult situations alone; they share their problems with others
• Happy people don’t pay attention to how others live
• Afternoon naps can boost cognitive performance and make your output consistent throughout the day
• When your brain is naturally unique, there is no point in comparing yourself to others
• Listening to music while working is an investment in productivity
• Happiness isn’t necessarily about how much we have but about how much we appreciate what little we have
• What you focus on grows into who you are; where your mind goes, your emotions flows
• Your sense of self-worth, joy and belonging are all enhanced by having a clear sense of purpose

Active Listening

 

Five Steps to Active Listening

1. Stop multitasking – We’re all basically programmed to glance at our phones when bored. When the conversation counts, put the phone away. Taking notes is an exception to the multitasking rule. That’s actually a plus. If you use a notes app on your phone, let them know that’s what you’re doing.
2. Listen with your eyes – A lot of communication is non-verbal. A person’s posture, hands, and facial expressions all complement the story they tell. Besides, nothing says “I’m listening” like eye contact.
3. Engage with questions – Great listeners interrupt. Yep, you heard that right. The right questions help the speaker unlock their topic. They move the dialogue along and open new avenues to explore. Just don’t hijack the conversation to talk about yourself.
4. Encourage non-verbally – Whether or not you're paying attention, the speaker is watching you. Are you nodding your head or fidgeting with your stuff? Are you leaning into the conversation or shifting back with your arms crossed? Just as you are aware of their body language, be cognizant of your own.
5. Paraphrase and clarify – When the other person has finished sharing, confirm you heard them correctly. Summarize what you heard to make sure you got it right. It can also help clarify the next step. A client or coworker may have shared a challenge because they need your help. A spouse may have shared a problem because they need your sympathy. Even if you nailed everything up to now, you can still fail by misreading their intentions.

Almost 2,000 years ago, Epictetus advised, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” In today’s hectic business environment, we’d be well-served to take heed.

One question to ponder in your thinking time: How can I be more present for the conversations that count?

No-vember – The Essence of Focus

 “People think focus means saying yes to the thing you've got to focus on. But that's not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I'm actually as proud of the things we haven't done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.”

– Steve Jobs

No-vember – The Essence of Focus

When you take on too many commitments, you short-circuit your effectiveness. You juggle priorities in various states of completion. Balls get dropped. Deadlines appear in the rearview mirror. Actually doing something well feels like a luxury reserved for others. The solution, of course, is focus. But that is easier said than done. That’s why this year we’re putting the “No” in November. All month, the TwentyPercenter will feature articles on how you can devote more time and energy to the things that matter.

The first step is understanding how focus works.

For most of my life, I thought focus was a spotlight. The object of my attention standing on a dark stage in the bright halo of my concentration. The reality is quite the opposite. Focus is a filter. Our brains are constantly bombarded with stimuli – sounds, sensations, odors, sights, and stray thoughts. Focus sieves out the extraneous and, like a blackout poem, blots out everything in the background until only our intention is illuminated. The essence of focus is saying “no.”

It’s also saying “yes” to something in a wholly uncommon way. Truly saying “yes” is a lot like saying “I do.” We understand this commitment comes to the exclusion of all others. We remove ourselves from the crowd. We bunker into a quiet, temptation-free setting. In fact, the easiest way to commit to our “yes” is to eliminate the necessity of actively saying “no.”

So now you know. Focus isn’t a spotlight, it’s a filter. When we over-commit, we dilute our effectiveness. A “yes” should be precious. And when we pledge ourselves to a task, our environment should support our promise. The fewer distractions we allow, the more empowered we are. Welcome to No-vember.

Ready to get started? Kicking those leftover Halloween KitKats to the curb is a great way to dip your toe in saying no! Next week, we’ll explore why we don’t say “no” and how to say it more effortlessly.

One question to ponder in your thinking time: How can I become a person with fewer, more powerful commitments?

Make an Impact!

7 Must-Avoid Traits If You Want to Lead By Example

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1. Complaining:

Negativity from a leader can be demoralizing for employees. As a leader, it's important to inspire and provide guidance. Instead of criticizing and complaining, focus on understanding and forgiveness. Dale Carnegie aptly stated, "Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain—and most fools do."

2‍. Failing to learn the art of criticism:

Mistakes are inevitable, but how leaders handle them determines their maturity as leaders. Destructive criticism can demotivate the team, while constructive criticism offers an opportunity for growth. Acknowledge strengths and provide feedback that is helpful and transformative, fostering a positive work environment.

3‍. Failure to listen:

Listening is a valuable skill that leaders must cultivate. Henry Ford recognized the importance of having people who challenged his thinking on his board. Leaders who overlook the power of listening are likely to face obstacles in their leadership journey.

4‍. Lack of vision:

Leaders must stay attuned to the changing landscape of business. Failing to anticipate shifts in the industry can have detrimental consequences. Companies like Blockbuster, Yahoo, and Kodak fell victim to their inability to adapt. Leaders should keep their eyes and ears open, taking decisive action when they sense changes on the horizon.

‍5. Indecisiveness:

In a fast-paced business environment, indecisiveness can hinder productivity. Leaders should develop the ability to make timely decisions, even if they turn out to be incorrect. Taking action allows for course correction and prevents paralysis within the team.

‍6. Failure to study:

Successful leaders recognize the value of continuous learning. They prioritize personal growth by reading books, articles, and gaining knowledge from various sources. Walt Disney once said, "There is more treasure in books than in all the pirate's loot on Treasure Island." By feeding their minds with ideas and inspiration, leaders foster a mindset conducive to success.

‍7. Dodging accountability:

Leaders must embrace accountability. When mistakes occur within the organization, the leader should take responsibility. Avoiding accountability sets a dangerous precedent and erodes trust. By owning up to mistakes and working to rectify them, leaders demonstrate integrity and encourage a culture of responsibility.

How to Get Your Own Growth Mindset

 

How to Get Your Own Growth Mindset

1. First, we should acknowledge our setbacks or unfavorable circumstances. We don’t want to call them failures, though. Instead, think of them as learning opportunities. Marvel at the process more than the results. Jackie Joyner-Kersee, a track and field athlete and Olympic gold medalist, once said, “I derive just as much happiness from the process as from the results. I don't mind losing as long as I see improvement...If I lose, I just go back to the track and work some more.” Learn to think more like Joyner-Kersee and enjoy the process instead of simply focusing on the outcomes.
2. Second, we want to acknowledge any shame that might accompany those learning opportunities. This is a key step because it alleviates lingering embarrassment.
3. Next, laugh it off! You can either laugh it off by yourself, or with others. We recommend finding others who are non-judgmental and supportive who you can laugh with. This helps normalize laughing at your setbacks and helps give you perspective.
4. Reflect. Reflect. Reflect. If your setback took place in a business setting, make sure to take note of it so you can avoid it in the future.

Lastly, and most importantly, stay curious. If you are reading this, you’re doing a great job of that already!

 

Leadership with Emotional Intelligence

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Emotional intelligence is a vital aspect of effective leadership that goes beyond technical expertise and strategic know-how. As a leader, developing your emotional intelligence can help you navigate the complexities of the workplace, build strong relationships, and inspire your team members to achieve their full potential. By honing your emotional intelligence, you gain a secret sauce that sets exceptional leaders apart from the rest.

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One fundamental element of emotional intelligence is empathy. Empathy involves the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. As a leader, mastering empathy allows you to connect with your team members on a deeper level. By putting yourself in their shoes and comprehending their experiences, you can build trust and cultivate meaningful connections. Actively listening, asking open-ended questions, and demonstrating genuine curiosity are practices that enhance empathy and create a positive work culture.

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Another essential aspect of emotional intelligence is self-awareness and self-regulation. Being self-aware means understanding your own emotions and reactions. It requires taking a moment to reflect on your thoughts and emotions, especially in stressful situations. By acknowledging your emotions, you can work towards managing them effectively and making conscious decisions rather than being driven by impulsive reactions. Demonstrating calmness under pressure instills confidence in your team and establishes you as a reliable leader.

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Enhancing your social skills is another way to boost emotional intelligence. Connecting with your employees on a human level involves being a good listener and an effective communicator. Showing genuine interest in their lives and offering support when needed fosters a sense of camaraderie and strengthens relationships. Additionally, humor can be a powerful tool in the emotional intelligence arsenal. Appropriately using humor can diffuse tension, build rapport, and create a positive work environment. By sprinkling laughter into your interactions, you can boost morale and build stronger connections with others.

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Fostering strong relationships is integral to effective leadership. Nonverbal cues and body language play a significant role in communication. Paying attention to these cues, both your own and your employees', helps you understand how others feel and respond accordingly. When providing feedback, it is crucial to be empathetic and tactful. Focus on specific behaviors and their impact rather than criticizing individuals. The "sandwich" technique, which involves starting with positive feedback, addressing areas for improvement, and ending with encouragement, creates a culture of continuous growth and development in the workplace.

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Understanding individual motivation is yet another facet of emotional intelligence. Recognizing what drives your employees on an individual level allows you to tailor your approach to their needs. Different people are motivated by different incentives, such as money, recognition, or personal growth. Cultivating a growth mindset within your organization and embracing failure as a learning opportunity further encourages motivation and development. Building a support network of mentors and peers who can provide guidance and motivation during challenging times is also beneficial.

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It is crucial to use emotional intelligence for the greater good and lead with strong morals and values. Leading with heart and wit means leveraging emotional intelligence to connect deeply with others, inspire loyalty, and create a positive work culture. By embracing emotional intelligence and continuously developing these skills, you can become an unstoppable leader in the ever-changing world of business.

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Emotional intelligence is a powerful tool that elevates leadership effectiveness. By mastering empathy, developing self-awareness and self-regulation, enhancing social skills, fostering strong relationships, and understanding motivation, leaders can unlock their full potential and inspire their teams to achieve greatness. Embracing emotional intelligence leads to stronger connections, a positive work culture, and success in the dynamic business landscape. So, invest in your emotional intelligence, lead with authenticity and empathy, and watch your leadership journey soar to new horizons.

What-the-Hell Effect

 Momentum matters and it goes both ways. When you’re on a streak, you’ll fight hard not to break it. But when you falter, it’s all too easy to get caught in a negative momentum cycle psychologists refer to as the “What-the-Hell Effect.” This phenomenon describes the downward spiral that can happen when we allow our initial misstep to justify next, and so on. Well-documented for diets and binge eating, it also shows up anywhere you need willpower. Positive momentum with exercise, budgeting, sobriety, and lead generation can all get derailed when we double down on our mistakes.

The good news is that a single stumble doesn’t measurably impact habit formation. Life happens. We recover and continue forward. When researchers asked 96 volunteers to track their habit-building, many missed a day. But a solitary slip up didn’t seem to matter if they got back on the proverbial horse. It was only when they repeated the mistake that they failed.

Here’s the moral: Don’t give up when you slip up.

Most of your success will come from daily deposits toward your success. You follow the diet. You lace your shoes and go for a run. You avoid splurging at Target. You dutifully connect with your database. The days you do it blur unremarkably. But it’s not so much the good days that make the difference. It’s how we handle the bad days that matters.

The Player-Coach Dilemma

 “Nothing so conclusively proves a man's ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself.”

– Thomas J. Watson

The Player-Coach Dilemma

Back when sports didn’t have TV contracts, player-coaches were a bit more common. Baseball hall-of-famers like Ty Cobb and Frank Robinson played the game while coaching. NFL great Tom Landry played defensive back while serving as defensive coordinator for the NY Giants. Perhaps the best player-coach of all time was Bill Russell. Russell won nine NBA championships for the Boston Celtics as a player before winning two more as a player-coach. He is one of five enshrined in the NBA Hall of Fame as a player and as a coach.

When head coach Red Auerbach stepped down after eight straight championships in 1966, the Celtics struggled to hire a replacement. Despite the opportunity to step into a championship franchise, multiple coaches declined. Auerbach eventually approached Russell to coach. His initial response was “no,” before reconsidering. Russell had to answer one question before agreeing, “Can I coach Bill Russell?” More on that later.

Today, player-coaches are as rare as rain in the Atacama Desert. That’s hardly the case in business. Owner-operators abound in business. Great operators often take the leap to entrepreneurship. The challenge comes when they move from being a solo practitioner to leading others. They must balance the focus and skill they bring to their profession with leading others. And as this recent episode of the Empire Building Podcast illustrates (Apple/Spotify), it’s about as easy as running up the inside of a spiral staircase.

In the episode, Sarah Reynolds and her co-hosts share five rules for succeeding as a player-coach:

1. Create goals and define activities for each aspect of your role.
2. Timeblock your priorities!
3. Set expectations with clients and team members.
4. Avoid energy vampires.
5. Make your health and family a priority.

I would venture to add a sixth. Remember what Bill Russell asked himself before taking the job? Could he lead himself? The dilemma of the player-coach is they must coach themselves. The owner-operator faces the same quandary. All leadership begins with self-leadership.

We must hold ourselves to the same standards we expect from our team. Our failures will be public failures. We must strike a balance between friendship and accountability. Our time is no longer just ours. We have an obligation to make time for the team. Our prowess at our jobs made ownership a possibility, but, for most, these are all new skills to master on the journey.

One question to ponder in your thinking time: To lead others, will I commit to leading myself?

Make an Impact!

The 3 L's of Leadership

 The journey of leadership is akin to learning the alphabet through continuous repetition. Just as we internalized the ABCs by looking at letters and listening to their sounds, effective leadership requires the ability to Look, Listen, and Learn. These three L's serve as foundational principles for leaders seeking to enhance their effectiveness and create a positive impact within their teams and organizations.

LOOK: OBSERVING AND IMPROVING

A leader must be observant, paying attention to how others perform their tasks and treat various stakeholders. By closely observing interactions with customers, direct reports, superiors, and colleagues, leaders gain insights into areas for improvement. It is particularly important to focus on how individuals with lower pay grades or new employees are treated, as this reflects the organizational culture's inclusivity and fairness. Leaders should continually seek better ways to improve themselves, enhance organizational efficiency, and foster communication and employee morale. Evaluating whether the company's vision and values are practiced allows leaders to identify their own role in improving the organization. Additionally, leaders should learn from those in higher positions, extracting valuable tools from their leadership toolbox while avoiding negative habits or characteristics. Recognizing and praising team members who exhibit leadership qualities further reinforces a positive work environment and sets an example for others.

LISTEN: ACTIVE ENGAGEMENT AND FEEDBACK

Active listening is a fundamental skill for effective leadership. Leaders should approach listening with passion, energy, and a genuine desire to understand others. Active listening involves focusing attention on the speaker and refraining from distractions like using electronic devices or shuffling papers. By actively listening, leaders gain insights to improve their own vocabulary, refine processes, and shape a positive work culture. Leaders should encourage open dialogue by creating an environment where individuals feel comfortable expressing their opinions and concerns. Paying attention to keywords that demonstrate action and leadership helps identify areas for growth. Emphasizing collective pronouns like "us," "we," and "our" fosters a sense of camaraderie rather than self-serving behavior. Seeking feedback from critics and demonstrating humility allows leaders to continuously learn and improve. Engaging with direct reports, superiors, and customers through thoughtful questions demonstrates a commitment to growth and listening to diverse perspectives.

LEARN: CONTINUOUS GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT

Leadership is an ongoing journey of learning and development. Effective leaders recognize the power of consistent praise and expressing gratitude. By praising individuals, particularly those who undertake challenging or undesirable tasks, leaders instill a sense of value and appreciation. Learning is a continual process that requires repetition and striving for improvement. Leaders should create opportunities for sharing "lessons learned" sessions, whether in the aftermath of project successes or failures. Encouraging a culture that values learning, growth, and exploration fosters innovation and adaptability. Collaboration with others, including competitors, allows leaders to expand their perspectives and learn from diverse experiences. Developing skills in conflict management and resolution empowers leaders to create a harmonious work environment. Building networks based on trust, loyalty, and treating others with dignity and respect strengthens relationships and opens doors for collaboration.

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Incorporating the 3 L's of Leadership—Look, Listen, and Learn—into our leadership approach can significantly enhance our effectiveness. By observing and improving ourselves, actively engaging in listening and seeking feedback, and embracing continuous growth and development, we become more effective leaders in the eyes of those we serve. Applying these principles consistently throughout our leadership journey enables us to navigate challenges, foster collaboration, and create positive work environments. Let us remember that leadership is a continuous process, and through the application of the 3 L's, we can become catalysts for growth and success.

How To Know If You’re Ready to Buy a Home

If you’re trying to decide if you’re ready to buy a home, there’s probably a lot on your mind. You’re thinking about your finances, today’s mortgage rates and home prices, the limited supply of homes for sale, and more. And, you’re juggling how all of those things will impact the choice you’ll make.

While housing market conditions are definitely a factor in your decision, your own life and your finances may be even more important. As an article from NerdWallet says:

“Housing market trends give important context. But whether this is a good time to buy a house also depends on your financial situation, life goals and readiness to become a homeowner.”

Instead of trying to time the market, it may help to focus on what you can control. Here are a few questions that can give you clarity on whether you’re ready to make your move.

1. Do You Have a Stable Job?

One thing to consider is how stable you feel your employment is. Buying a home is a big purchase, and you’re going to sign a home loan stating you’re going to pay that loan back. That can feel like a big obligation. Knowing you have a reliable job and income coming in can help put your mind at ease. As NerdWallet explains:

“A mortgage is a big commitment . . . Wait until your employment is stable before thinking about buying a house.”

2. Have You Figured Out What You Can Afford?

To make sure you have a good idea of what you’ll need to save and what you can expect to spend on your monthly payment, talk to a trusted lender. They’ll be able to tell you about the pre-approval process and what you can borrow, current mortgage rates and approximate monthly payments, closing costs to anticipate, what percent of the purchase price of the home you’ll need for a down payment, and more.

The best part is you may find out you’re closer to your goals than you realized. You don’t necessarily need to put 20% down, unless it’s specified by your lender or loan type. As Down Payment Resource says:

“A 20% down payment on a home is great, but . . . Many mortgages require no more than 3% to 5% of the purchase price as a down payment. Plus, there are loans and grants that may help cover these costs. Search for down payment assistance in your area, and discuss your results with your mortgage lender . . .”

3. How Long Do You Plan to Live There?

Another important thing to think about is how long you plan to stay put. It takes time to build equity in your home through paying down your loan and home price appreciation. If you plan to move too soon, you may not recoup your investment. For example, if you’re looking to sell and move again in a year, it might not make sense to buy right now. As a recent article from CNET says:

“Buying a home is a good idea if you’re planning to stay put for at least three years. Home values typically increase between 2% and 5% annually, so you could end up paying more in closing costs than you’d earn in proceeds if you sell after only a year or two.”

So, think about your future. If you plan to transfer to a new city with the upcoming promotion you’re working toward or you anticipate your loved ones will need you to move closer to take care of them, that’s something to factor in.

Above all else, the most important question to answer is: do you have a team of real estate professionals in place? If not, finding a trusted local agent and a lender is a good first step.

Bottom Line

If you’re trying to decide if you’re ready to buy a home, these questions can help. But ultimately, your best and more reliable resource is the help of trusted real estate professionals.

 

5 Tips for Minimizing Stress

1. Give guided imagery a try Guided imagery is the ultimate break for your mind. It involves picturing oneself in a serene environment. Some choose to recall joyous past memories. Others enjoy envisioning themselves in the future. For instance, you could try picturing yourself relaxing at a beach after you finish work. The calming images will surely lessen your stress levels.

2. Create a to do list One of the most common causes for stress is being unprepared. The simplest way to make sure you are not put in this situation is through making a to do list. Write down all of your goals for the day and week. As you go about your day, glance at the list to remind yourself of your duties and cross of anything you have accomplished.

3. Remind yourself of what you are thankful for Too often, we find ourselves stressing over every last detail in our lives. It is crucial to remember that ultimately, minor mistakes are not going to make or break you. Rather, what matters far more is our relationships and passions. So, be sure to take a moment to reflect upon all that you are grateful for and to stop stressing over every imperfection in your life.

4. Stop criticizing yourself for having flaws; rather see your strengths While criticism can be helpful, it can also be harmful to one’s self image. You could be overly critical if you are feeling as though you are never enough. If this sounds like you, try to seek feedback from outside sources, like friends or co-workers. They may boost your confidence while still giving you valuable input. Instead, find what you are skilled at. Improve your ability to perform that activity and watch your confidence rise while minimizing stress!

5. Develop an exercise routine Distancing yourself from your stressors is another effective way to reduce or eliminate unnecessary worrying. A commonly utilized method would be exercise, yoga, or even meditation. Doing some light physical activity helps boost your mood by releasing endorphins, or “happiness hormones.” Plus, you get the added benefit of exploring a new hobby while being physically active!

Sellers: Don’t Let These Two Things Hold You Back

 Many homeowners thinking about selling have two key things holding them back. That’s feeling locked in by today’s higher mortgage rates and worrying they won’t be able to find something to buy while supply is so low. Let’s dive into each challenge.

Challenge #1: The Reluctance to Take on a Higher Mortgage Rate

According to the Federal Housing Finance Agency (FHFA), the average interest rate for current homeowners with mortgages is less than 4% (see graph below):

But today, the typical 30-year fixed mortgage rate offered to buyers is closer to 7%. As a result, many homeowners are opting to stay put instead of moving to another home with a higher borrowing cost. This is a situation known as the mortgage rate lock-in effect.

The Advice: Waiting May Not Pay Off

While experts project mortgage rates will gradually fall this year as inflation cools, that doesn’t necessarily mean you should wait to sell. Mortgage rates are notoriously hard to predict. And, right now home prices are back on the rise. If you move now, you’ll at least beat rising home prices when you buy your next home. And, if experts are right and rates fall, you can always refinance later if that happens.

Challenge #2: The Fear of Not Finding Something to Buy

When so many homeowners are reluctant to take on a higher rate, fewer homes are going to come onto the market. That’s going to keep inventory low. As Lawrence Yun, Chief Economist at the National Association of Realtors (NAR), explains:

“Inventory will remain tight in the coming months and even for the next couple of years. Some homeowners are unwilling to trade up or trade down after locking in historically-low mortgage rates in recent years.”

Even though you know this limited housing supply helps your house stand out to eager buyers, it may also make you feel hesitant to sell because you don’t want to struggle to find something to purchase.

The Advice: Broaden Your Search

If fear you won’t be able to find your next home is the primary thing holding you back, remember to consider all your options. Looking at all housing types including condos, townhouses, and even newly built homes can help give you more to choose from. Plus, if you’re able to work fully remote or hybrid, you may be able to consider areas you hadn’t previously searched. If you can look further from your place of work, you may have more affordable options.

Bottom Line

Instead of focusing on the challenges, focus on what you can control. Reach out to a local agent so you’re working with a professional who has the experience to navigate these waters and find the perfect home for you.